Odyssey

Im an outcast in something i love. 

Not feeling wanted. 

Not feeling loved. 

Put to the side. 

Took for granted. 

Thought that both could join. 

Took a leap with courage. 

Accepted and denied. 

1-1 

What path is choosing me?

A beautiful faded to grey?

An overflow of mystery? 

Have in common my will to drive. 

A dot.

What do you do when the two people that have been with you through it all are just gone.
They are here.
Living.
But in a far off place that seems farther and father with time.
But you are still caught up in it.
You.
Are.
Alone.
You can tell people, you won't get a response.
You best be talking to a wall.
The few that know don't "really" know.
They don't know why you work so hard.
They don't know how you go to where you are.
They don't know where you have really been.
It's a far off oracle. Where you are.
No one has stepped foot there.
You try to hide your eyes that look like they haven't slept.
You hide the time you've spent crying, which seems as if it's about nothing.
You be the person of who you feel is opposite of what you feel you are.
You put yourself in others skins while they're still in it.
Cinderblock.
You put on a smile.
You walk through the doors.
You suddenly realize it's all gone away.
All the worries have disintegrated.
You know they will be back again... Here they come.

The Finding

I have found it.
The thing that keeps me going.  I've always known I've had a purpose in life but this just reassured it.
I can see it,my work paying off.
It's a place where I am accepted, my weird quirky ways, my high strung, my funny looking crew necks with deer on them.
I am me.
I have found who I am supposed to be.
I am accepting the things I can do and the things I can not.
This place has made me realize it's been here all along, that is myself.
The things in my past have put me together like a mosaic, not one of da vinci but it's a work of art, what can I say?
Don't get me wrong, it's not finished yet.
There was a dark period but I like to think of it as a "light" period, for it lead me to where I am today, it didn't leave me astray.
I have made changes to it,
it has made changes to me.
I'm happy this is who I am supposed to be.

Erik

This writting was inspired by a project I was assigned in Musical Theatre class. It's dedicated to Erik.

Wobble Wobble, At least that’s how I think they sound not like a fox for sure a penguin doesn’t go ring ding ling it’s nonsense they speak a sort of language of their own I suppose  just like me, and if you don’t hear that sound it’s probably because I don’t want to be here right now.

They slip away fast, faster than you can probably believe it would be nice if I could slip away just as fast from this class.

Thinking of me, and who or what I want to be, that’s easy by 2014 simply me.

Although it would be nice to possibly role the dice, take a chance as to how it could be, man of spider, wishing the force to be with thee.  Not the force of school on my head. That couldn’t be, the good life for me.

Making baskets (not ones of whicker of course), scoring points, not just game points but life points every move I make.

Bump, set, spike, it’s a three step. One at a time, focus, concentration, and hard work equals something much greater than belief.

The good life  is what it is and how it is,

I’m living in a land before time.

For time, is timeless.

Time is endless.

Something that has stuck with me from place to place, and proud am I of the place I am today,

No one could tell you exactly when it began nor it’s thought to end. Opportunities have no limits to be set but rather limits to be breached.

I will remember the next day, the one after that and two before.

Someone stood by my side as a friend and a mentor, to push me on to pleasantly grow, take a leap in faith.

For me, that’s the way to go.

Things change you know, people mumbling on how seasons go.

But, I really wish I could sew.

Just kidding I really don’t know why I said that or the neon cat.  Hey, it rhymes, like the wind chimes.

Calling me to go,

But please always know.

Erik spelt with a K, it’s more sturdy  that way.

YOU are the KEY to what you want to BE…

Who do you see?

Strange Place

Sometimes when you feel as if you are lost you may find yourself in what may seem to be the strangest of places.
At the beginning anyway may seem strange but you realize, you have been here before the place is very much familiar.
It is my faith.
The place I can always go back to no matter what, it is my rock; my salvation.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:31

Can't have it. Won't have it.

Sometimes I feel so left out.
Not out of things I go to or do.
Everyday scenarios.
I feel as if I am sitting here watching everyone elses lives in play and mine on pause.
I'm here for everyone but no one for me.
Im invisible. But if someone wants to see me they can.
I can't help it but feel thjs way.
Having no one to say it to.
Its hard for me to deal with this.
That I can't have what they have.
I won't have what they have.
I have to be okay with that.

Control

I look in the mirror and feel so dissatisfied.
I take a look at my friends and wonder if they really are.
I look at the past, it was real.
I want to change the way I see myself but, i think it has to with how i look rather than how I view how I look.
Something must be wrong with me.
I don't have the to go to person when in need.
My mom says things will be "okay" acting as if she cares when I know thats all it is, an act.
My dad will love me no matter what. In a way thats good I can't let down.
I have no one to hold me while I cry.
It hurts inside sishing there could be someone but who?
I don't know.
There's someone out there for everyone this is true but its getting old.
There must be some better excuse.
It's me.
The way I am.
Who I am.
At times unsure.
Begging for something normal, something stable in this life.
The only things that seem to be normal are the things I create but yet somehow the other interferes.
 I can't even keep that straight.
Its me.
Its out of control.
Its out of my control.

Cant think

The first chord of the song. Makes me think of you.
Mind cant think straight it's polluted with "what ifs" "could've beens" and "whys".
Not all revolving around you but more so inner.
Never been one to have it all.
See it all.
Feel as if should feel like am it all.
Still somethings missing.
Its not you.
What is it.
I can't think.

Gone; moved on

What had was special.
Nothing I had ever felt before.
It all happened so quick; the next thing I knew you were long gone
moved on.
I can't tell whether I miss you,
or if I miss what we had together.
But one thing I can tell is when I see you with her...
I can't help but to look the other way.
I don't know if I had a second chance if I would take it
But if I could go back to that time...
That's what I really want.

No one there

I look to the left what do I see?
A figure, yes.
A person, no.
I look to the right what do I see?
A thing, yes.
A person, no.
I look all around me; I see things and figures like zombies.
They look as they could be just like me.
But I can't see.
Well, I can see.
I see just fine.
They just don't show me, that is the things.
They don't show me that they are like me.
To have a mind, heart, that is a heart filled with love.
If somehow by chance there happens to be love I can't see.
Maybe a word or too comes out but there is nothing behind it.
There is no one there.

The Bond

A bond between siblings is something you won't understand unless you have it.

It's forgiving, loving and at times stressful.

At the end of the day we love each other no matter what.

We are there for each other no matter what.

The bond can not be broken even if one is immortal.

There to look after one another whether it be from the sky or from the shadow that follows.

When you get the chance tell them how you feel.

Some get the chance.

Some don't.
Take the chance not matter the response before it is too late.

Remember it can not be broken. 

Tell

Tell of the good; tell of the bad.

Remember the good and the bad.

Cherish the good; learn from the bad.  

Forgive but never forget.

For don't you know tomorrow could be too late.

Tell how you feel.

Say what you mean; mean what you say.

Today could be your last day. 

Let it out; don't bottle it up.

Die free and happy.

Knowing your time was well spent.

Will you tell?

Wall Fall

While they say the weak may rise, the strong may fall.

This isn't entirely true.  To me weakness and strength are not two separate things.  

They are together.

You can be strong but weakness be shown.

You can be weak but strength is shown.

You may think that at one time or another you have felt the complete one or the other, but you haven't.

A part of you, no matter how small is feeling the antithesis.

To be strong is a wall and to be weak is a fall but,

walls fall. 

A Thing

A thought is a thing.
A dream is a thing.
A tree is a thing.
That stands as a post.
A post of what you stand for and support.
To think is a verb.
To say is a verb.
The difference is that to think something something is internal; may mean something but not set in stone.
To say something is being vulnerable.
When you say something you can not takle it back, you put it out there.
You are revealing your thoughts to people.
Saying something gives people a hint of what is going on in your mind.
Know wonder why there are people so quiet.

Move on

Moving on.
What defines this?
Is moving on getting past the idea?
Is it to not think about it anymore?
To not wish it were still true?
When you're moved on do you still have those dreams?
Still think about them?
Think about what you could be at this exact moment?
Is to move on to forget?
Or, is it to keep the memories and smile?
Can it be wishing the memories were still reality?
Everyone moves at their own pace, some faster, some slower.
How do I know at which pace I am moving at?
Am I moving on?

Focus.

The idea to focus is something one must do; accomplish.
In order to complete tasks in a timely fashion one must focus.
With the world still spinning.
YOU can be winning.
If you focus.
Set a mindset; set it well.
Put aside the motions of the day; do it.
Let your mind be enriched, with the knowledge you allow to flow through it.
Get lost into the world that opens up when you do.
Focus, and you shall win.
In the end.

Sugar

So sweet, so cheap.
Fills you up, with fat.
Makes you hyper, only for a while.
Makes you crash, with no warning.
Warning labels say fat free.
What is dextrose, could it be?
The commercials, they say "it's a yummy treat"
My body tells me No more.
It's so antagonizing.
Pulling me in.
My hand reaching for the cupcake.
No. I musn't.
I need to be healthy.
And free.

People

People.
People can do anything.
They can bring people up or push others down.
They can have a heart so full it could burst or, a heart that when you walk by feel nothing at all.
They can be your saving grace on a horrible day, or be the reason why it was so horrid.
They can be tough, act tough, or be weak.
Anything you name it; it's possible.
Yes, anything and everything.
How you let it affect your day however, is completely up to you.
100%
So, wouldn't it be simpler to just brush things off and make the best of it?
May seem simple but the easy thing to do would be to let it over take your emotions.
While walking down a street to cross, you wait for there to be a break in traffic, that is easy, the more complex thing would be to just walk across with no knowledge of what's around you.
See, the right thing isn't always easiest, and the easiest thing isn't always right.
Remember that.

I can, I will.

I can move on.
I can look past.
I can learn rather than regret.
I can forgive.
I can love.
I can work my hardest.
I can be anything I want to be.
I can do so many different things with my life.
I will succeed.

See

Can you see the pain behind these tired eyes?
The eyes that cried all night for you.
The eyes that are strong but weakness is revealed.
The eyes that see the world maybe in a different way.
The eyes that once looked into your eyes; were filled with excitement.
All that is left is another way to look.
But, which way?

Crying and Trying, It's What We Do

The way your face lights up when you see me down the hall.

The way you grab my hand, as if it were no question at all.  

You hold on and try while she sat back and cry.  

You wanted, while she wished. 

You both dreamed, together. 

You gave.  She a little.

There isn't enough time, not for you she cry. 

You sigh.

She says it's enough it's getting too tough.

You cry water down your cheeks that used to be so rosy.

It isn't water it is feelings leaving the body.

Next, she try and you walked on by, with another girl on your arm.  

Cast Iron

As you walk down the halls you hid yourself as if you didn't exist.  That's how you feel, as if you don't exist.  I can see the bruises I can see the pain.  On your face it's written with drying teardrops in place.  I know it's rough but, you are so tough.  Don't you say you're not because you are holding on for some reason.  You say you're okay, I know you're not.  The smile is just a cover up.  The words that she says to you; the punches she throws at you put dents into your cast iron but, don't break, please, hold on.  Just on more day hold on to what I say.  Realize it will someday get better maybe not today, wipe the tears off of your face.  Don't let go.  You came to school today; I could tell it had been a rough night.  You put your hands up against your face and I could see the slits down your wrist.  You're still hanging on by a thread but that thread is breaking.  It's breaking all down.  But hold on when you've had enough I know it really is rough.  Please don't say goodbye.  I know that on the inside you are saying "this is it".  Hold on let this be a sign you'ere worth it to me.  The black and blue means you're strong.  The red means you're torn.  Hang on to me.  You're worth it.  To me.

Crystal Clear

Having no where to go.  Even if you don't even know.  About anything.  Someday sometime it will all make sense.  The puzzle pieces will come out from the dark.  The shot in the dark will blossom with light.  A shady lens will become crystal clear.  You will soon see everything more near.  Closer than it's ever been and in that exact moment you were intimate.  Mind shifting gears not keeping up with what's running through your mind.
Chrystal clear.

Shadow

Just the girl left in the shadow behind.  Love has crossed her mind but never been known.  Who is she?
It couldn't possibly be me.
No where to run,
No where to hid,
but behind the shadow of her own.

Soar

I hid my feelings.  I warp them into something they're not.  I won't let you see the tears I cry at night because, I try to put it behind me and hope it turns out alright.  Like the sky with a flying kite.  Someday I will soar with the wind and the night will turn to light.

Alternate

I feel like I get turned into an alternate.  Ever wish a guy would just beg and plead to just be with you?  I'm not talking about after they make a mistake and trying to get you back but, just out of the cold blue sky?
Without asking a reason why you can call me a dreamer but I know he's out there somewhere, someplace.
Thinking of giving up.
I wont win this race.
Not that way.
I just can't stop thinking what could be, would be true.
Is me and you.

Here

As you see all the memories that have set into place,
Don't forget to carry on with simplicity and grace
Travel far far from here, but always keep your heart near here.
Your first love you will never forget.
Move on with no regrets.
You can concour anything.
Everything.
Do anything.
Be your everything.
Don't ever forget in this world where you come from is here.