Wanting To Fill

Over and done,
That's what I am.
With Him.
It's true.
He's well, and it is with my soul.
To what next?
Oh brother we may never know.
Wherever it takes me, this winding trail-head.
My mind filled with corruption of the past.
The future, is what I have to look forward to.
Trying to make the past as my future will only further corrupt it,
As if I have any power over anything that happens in the realm of life.
I can make someone smile, I can make them laugh
Those things though, those things don't change what is to come
Hopeless romantic, yep that's me.
Hopeless though, nah.
That's not me.

Sorry i am.

Mistakes i make, on the daily basis.

Yeah, I'm trying to pull myself up out of this hole. 

Hole that i've put myself in. 

i mess up. 

A lot. 

It's not the end of the world, no not the little things.

Just when they add up it seems to be.

Apologize i must. 

Difficult i know. 

Self centered was i, in the ways i have acted.

Yes, that is true.

Small i, i know to show my insignificance.

Sorry must i be, sorry i am. 

Wanting

wrap your life around mine.

give me the feeling that your life would be nothing without

tell me i'm your all, and show it through your every move

i want to be in love, with the feeling of being loved

what is it like? 

may I never know? 

keep doing "me"

why is this impossible for me to do specifically

wanting something i have never known. 

i shouldn't have to beg, plead, or even ask

wrap your life around me. 

Impacted

People come, people go.
this is said so often, as if it is commonly known.
Which it is, in it's nature.
Is the meaning or the phrase known?
People come into my life and I let them in.
Door wide open, I share my all.
Everyone takes a bite of me.
Is there nothing left to give?
My heart is overflowing.
Giving I want to for all.
I mustn't if I want to stay as a pillar of my own.
Hopeless romantic I suppose one could say.
Each being has something to offer;
I seek it out.
Not egocentric, nor self absorbed.
Just broken from the core.
Trying to find the glue.
But who?
Who can supply the pieces given away and connect them back together?
Where?
Searching I feel I must, innately.
Content must I be.
One mold or another, I don't fit.

Not Who i Am

Capitalize, or under-case?
Important, or not?

Young yet with an old soul.
Old soul that is acting young?

This skin and bones crawls with hate.
Hate towards what has been done, and hate towards not knowing what is yet.

Disbelief for what the belief is.
Shadowing the realities of the game.

How to shape who I am in a space.
Being encroached in a box.

Walls closing in, yet doors opening up.

Choosing what way to exit?
It's a daunting task.

Is there even an exit?
Something new thrown each and every time.

Flying away.
Too far, or closer to wait is yet to come?

These questions and actualization, I ponder every day.
In my awakeness it frightens me.

Being alone, am I
Or surrounded could I be?

Work out the negative energy.
Wring it out.

Say all is well, but is it?
Am i who i say i am?

How would I know with such a self assessment?
In what ways would I measure the progress or repetition of said behaviors?

Monitoring who I am.
Is it worth it?

Should my actions be led by nothing but desire?
My heart says no, but yet that be coming from shattered remnants.

My mind, filled with facts of others.
In what way might I prove to be knowledgeable.

The life i lead
is it truly what  i need?

What is i?
Who is i?

The self debate will ever be so contaminating within.
A virus that spreads so thin to the vein.

Travels to each extremity.

Choose your battles.
Armour yourself well.

How?

miss

i miss (insert the following here)

me

you

him

us

being safe

hugs

kisses

stargazing

being happy

independence

self fulfilling 

simplicity

her

wholeness

serenity. 

It is good.

I don't listen to those songs anymore.
I don't think the things I used to.
I've met someone.
Inspiring to the heart.
Goodwill in his bones.
And priorities on his mind.
Things are set straight, right.
The way to me it should be,
or at least wish they could be.
I see the possibilities in it.
Too soon, yes it is.
The thought is a new song on the radio.
It is refreshing to know.
To know what I couldn't explain.
It is good.

Fallen To The Ground.

This fall weather is so rejuvenating.
It's refreshing like no other.
Beauty and bliss of things fading.
Wishing I could float away.
Love came and love has passed.
Something forbade it to last; the reason why left to the shadows.
You're gone.
You are gone.
You have fled.
From this crazy mess of my life.
I am here.
That is what I am to focus on next.
Being the me I want to be.
Breathing in the fall air makes me feel alive.
Running towards the future of what's ahead of me.
Not from the past.
You're gone.
So is the love I had for you.
Drifting into the wind as a leaf from a tree that once was in full bloom.
To the ground it goes only to be one day regrown.
Who will water the sense but myself?

Direction with no intention

Desiring from within
This thought of what could be
Seeming so far fetch
I use what is here to fill the void
Not wanting anything more
You ask, and I defy
I'm searching for something
no, someone
Going down a path
That will lead to no where but disappointment
Where to go next
In my dreams
That's where i'll seek
The best that I can find
Until proven it's real.

Second to One

Feeling second to what
nothing but your fantasies which deflate
as soon as they are here, you see, not what you expected to be.
It's pretty sad to see, that your life was supposed to be around me.
Criticized for being too needy, but how hard is to find
someone with a piece of mind.
That would give it all for me,
Every nickel, and every dime
it would even drive on time.
Call me crazy for wanting someone to give a damn,
but its about time something changed.